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by Roberta de Boer, Blade columnist
The Blade (Toledo, OH)
01-10-98
MEMO TO: All the well-dressed people who run such upscale retail operations as Lord & Taylor, Nordstrom, Bergdorf Goodman, Saks Fifth Avenue, etc., etc.
FROM: Carleton ("Go Blue!") Finkbeiner, Esteemed Mayor of Toledo, Ohio, that jewel on the Maumee River whose inhabitants are in desperate need of locally acquired upscaleness in the form of whatever kinds of goods you see fit to supply (although please, tell your buyers to bear in mind that we are, at heart, navy-blue people).
SUBJECT: What's takin' you guys so long?
Maybe you haven't been getting all your phone messages, fellas, but we've been trying to reach you for weeks with the good news.
Hey, we're ready and waiting for you over here!
Hello? Anybody there?
Well, anyway, we've got this real nifty splotch of land -- smack dab off the freeway and just so darned close to, ahem, a nicely monied population.
Aw, you know, the three-car garage people, the ones whose houses have those Palladian windows and reproduction furniture.
Real, you know, upscale. And so, anyway, we were thinking: Why don't you fellas come on over and set up shop there?
Not that there's anything wrong with it, but just between you and me, we've all grown a little tired of the softer side of Sears.
We want pizzaz.
We want clothes with really good buttonholes.
We want something that looks like we went out of town to buy it.
Because, that's what our, uh, upscale people have been doing, anyway, you know.
Oh yeah! They just hop right in their Lexi and drive up to Somerset, or Ann Arbor (Go Blue!), or Chicago, or New York, even!
Case in point: This one time -- and this is even a true story -- this one time, a group of local Junior Leaguers met for lunch, and one of the women mentioned she'd just returned from a trip to New York.
"Oh, how was it?" someone asked her.
"Hmmmph," she sniffed daintily from out of her upturned and well-powdered nostrils. "Hmmmph! It was all picked over."
So you see, fellas, a Toledoan can be just as discriminating a shopper as the next Ivana.
Which brings me back to the point of this memo, and that is: COME ON DOWN!
Just picture it boys!
A prime, 130-acre mall, where you could be a key anchor!
And we're not gonna settle for one of those common, ordinary malls, either.
No, sirree. I myself personally put the word out -- live upscale or die!
There will be upscale landscaping (I've got my people over in Natural Resources working on the specs right now).
And I'm insisting on exceptional architectural detail, although just between us, I'm not real sure what that means when applied to a mall, but never mind, I'm no Gloomy Gus!
No Sirree! Not Carleton S. Finkbeiner!
Toledo is a world-class city! Toledoans demand a world-class mall!
Now, I know your site selection people probably work real hard, gathering all sorts of demographics and all that. So maybe you have data-driven reasons for not being in this market already.
But to you I say: Dare to dream! Go with your feelings, and great things will happen!
Why, that's practically been my motto during my entire time as mayor of this great city, and just look around and see how much good it's done!
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